Thoughts about whatever's been going on in my mind, whether gaming, motorsport, or something else.

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  • Motivation & Discipline

    This is more or less a vent post, so, make of that what you will.

    For a long time I’ve struggled with having the motivation to create things or work on myself, which I suspect is due to being a ‘gifted’ child and never having to study for school – meaning I never really learned how to sit myself down and just, work. I get motivation from time to time, usually at rather inconvenient times – like in the middle of a shift at work or in the middle of the night – which I can’t really act on. By the time a better time rolls around for me to act on that motivation, it’s either gone or self-destructive thoughts have set in enough for me to lose the desire to do whatever I had wanted to do.

    This is where the second issue comes in – I can’t sit myself down to work if I don’t want to, and instead opt to generally laze about on social media or doing something meaningless even when I know I could be doing something productive. This is ultimately something that I still haven’t solved more than four years after noticing it, and I’d really rather not think about the lost opportunities/chances as a result of that inability. I always say to myself “Oh, I should do this or this. I’ll do that when I get home/the chance to/etc” but I never actually have the discipline to follow through on that goal. I’m not sure how to fix this either unfortunately, so I more or less just coast through the days hoping I’ll either change or I’ll find something I’m truly passionate about that will give me the motivation to work at it – which I understand is quite unlikely, if not impossible.

    For reference, I’m 20, and haven’t ever really had a solid goal or dream in life past “I just want to make enough money to live comfortably and not want to implode each day”. Did college for two years, didn’t find anything I’d particularly want to make a career out of, and while I enjoy creating content, it’s not something I can expect to make a reliable living off of. I know people say “You’re young, you’ll figure it out!” but I can’t help but feel behind others at my age, especially when most of the people I know have goals or dreams they’re working towards, even if they may be in a lull at the moment. Alas, I just kind of feel lost, which I wish wasn’t the case; but I’m unable to figure out how to change that feeling or even force myself into doing something – anything – that might improve my situation.

    Such is life, I guess.

  • Misguided Development & Battlefield V

    Focusing too much on the wrong things inevitably leads to a mediocre product, with the only thing left being “what it could’ve been”. You see this in pretty much all forms of everything, whether it’s physical or fiction, and I would argue games get hit the hardest by this. Often, development decisions can be hidden or not easily accessible for most forms of media, but with games, there’s always leftover code, ideas discussed in official posts or trailers, and the like that makes what ended up being cut very easy to find.

    Enter Battlefield V – one of my favourite shooters, and unfortunately, one of the biggest victims of this. At core, the game has enjoyable gunplay, a decent chunk of content, and the gameplay loop is solid to keep me and others coming back. That said, unfortunately due to being made in 2018 – at the height of the battle royale craze and a slowly-rising popularity in small-scale competitive modes, development had… issues. The largest being Firestorm, the battle royale mode.

    It’s 2018. PUBG is huge, Fortnite was just a year old and still blowing up, CoD has Black Ops 4’s Blackout mode, and other BRs are in development like Apex Legends and Warzone. Naturally, EA wants Battlefield, their big shooter, to have a battle royale mode. Surely it’ll be popular, right? Problem: Fortnite is free, PUBG is very much established as a battle royale first and foremost, and the upcoming Apex and Warzone are the same. Meanwhile, BFV’s Firestorm is post-launch content for an FPS focusing on large scale combined arms, with a $60 access tag, as you have to buy BFV if you want to play Firestorm. In other words: if you want to try Firestorm, you’re coughing up $60 for a game you may not like (where the battle royale isn’t the draw). Meanwhile, BF series’ fans don’t want this, because that’s not the draw of Battlefield. Firestorm died out in population really, really fast, because it’s not why people play Battlefield. This huge map, a handful of unique vehicles, and a lot of dev time spent on something that never really appealed to the core playerbase anyway, instead of something better (be it more maps, more weapons, the Pacific update coming sooner, the like).

    Second large waste of dev time – the 5v5 mode. Yes, 5v5 competitive. In a series where the entire draw is 32v32 combined arms combat. A decent amount of content was created for this mode that was never released, including a handful of maps and some weapons, as well as a unique class system only for that gamemode. I don’t really understand what the goal here ever was, considering it just doesn’t line up with the core appeal. If I wanted 5v5 competitive gamemodes, I’d boot up Counter-Strike or something – not Battlefield…

    There’s other things I can discuss, such as the weird co-op mode that barely has any content and isn’t fleshed out at all, or the very underwhelming singleplayer ‘campaign’, but my point is there’s just weird decisions that constantly misalign with the core appeal of Battlefield, wasting dev time and resources, and likely leading to the post-launch content ending rather quickly in favour of developing Battlefield 2042 (and that didn’t work out, either). Obviously, we don’t know what was executive decisions (likely the battle royale was a mandate to chase the trend) and what the developers chose, but even then, there’s some weird choices in vehicles and weapons, too.

    This is all a long-winded way of saying, it’s disappointing when development decisions don’t appeal to the core reason a franchise/series/anything exists, usually trying to expand the purpose for a bigger profit, instead of maintaining your core use. Silly, really.

  • The One-Month-In Girls’ Frontline 2 Review

    So, for about the past month or two I’ve picked up a newer gacha… 

    Girls’ Frontline 2, perhaps more commonly known as waifu XCOM, is a sequel to Girls’ Frontline, but that game isn’t required to understand this one, despite being heavily related. We’ll get to that, I promise. At core, GFL2 is a narrative-heavy gacha with its actual gameplay borrowing strongly from RTS games, closest being XCOM, but without the bullshit hit percentages. It is unfortunately a gacha, borrowing a banner and pull system almost identical to that of Genshin or other Hoyo games – but the odds are somewhat better, soft pity kicks in earlier, and the game throws significantly more Collapse Pieces – this game’s gems – at you, to the point where a free-to-play player can get every unit on limited banners if you play often. 

    In my opinion, GFL2’s biggest strength is that it appeals to both casuals who just want to see cute gun girls in 3D, lore enjoyers who want to enjoy the story – which is looking to become just as dark as the first game – and competitive players who want to maximize numbers on their units and learn the combat mechanics. I personally come into this having played some of GFL1 and no experience in RTS games, but I found it quite easy to get used to the mechanics and simping over fictional dolls. 

    Most of the dolls are returning from GFL1 with new designs and names, with some dolls new to GFL2 entirely. That said, you’ll still recognize the returning characters – Makiatto is clearly WA2000, Centaureissi is clearly G36, and they’re still the same dolls from the first time around. So far they’ve given some less important dolls from GFL1 a lot of time, which is nice to see, and makes GFL1 not-as-required reading. It’s still the same universe, and having knowledge of GFL1 will help you understand what’s going on, but it’s not absolutely required, which is a blessing to those of us that aren’t too invested in the depths of the lore. 

    Combat plays like XCOM – here’s your units, here’s your enemies, turn-based combat, the like. If you’re into these kinds of games, great! GFL2 gives you enough mechanics and dolls to figure out builds and setups, as well as a clan ranking mode if you like to test your skill and really maximize out your dolls. If you’re not into RTS games, there’s an auto-battle you can use on every stage, which is competent enough to clear 80% of stages for you, provided your dolls are up to par. This is also hugely convenient for clearing lower-level content or just zoning out to do dailies, which makes the game hugely casual friendly. Even with bad menu management, you can complete your dailies in sub 90 seconds, which is much appreciated coming from other gachas (or just other modern games in general). 

    In terms of waifu gameplay, there’s a dormitory, which is simple but does give you full camera control if you really want to stare at the robot feet, and you can even set it as your main menu screen, if you’d like! In general, both the dolls and weapons are modeled well and have good artistic style, so weapon nerds will enjoy the attachment system and models, too. Marrying – or Covenanting, as it’s called here – is present, too, so those coming from other gachas will feel reasonably at home. Skins are on the expensive side, but gacha games already are hard on the wallet, so that’s up to you if you want them or not. 

    Events are a mixed bag. It can be hard to tell what info is story-relevant and what’s fluff, and we still haven’t had any events added to the permanent list on the Global server, so for now, if you miss something, you’re out of luck. That said, all actual story content in events is low-level, around Commander 20 or so, so you don’t have to worry about not having good enough dolls to experience the story. Main campaign story does scale over time, but as of this review, it’s not too bad. 

    Other little things – soundtrack is great, as typical for Vanguard Sound and GFL in general. Specifically, Reconnection and One Hit Kill are standouts, being Klukai and Makiatto’s themes, respectively. There’s plenty of great fan artists on Twitter/Pixiv if you’re REALLY into the dolls. In general, the community is pretty good, a little deranged, but good.  

    It’s fun, overall. Coming from other gachas, having quick dailies is a huge quality of life improvement, and you don’t need to spend at all, even if you want to get every unit, which is hugely appreciated. Biggest issue is understanding how the menus and mechanics work if you want to learn the combat, and several fan-favourites from GFL1 aren’t here (yet), but on the whole, I think it’s one of the best gachas out there currently. Plus, being on PC and mobile with cross-sync is great, and it even works well on Steam Deck! 

    In short, it’s casual friendly, with pretty anime robots and guns, and has a deep story and solid combat. Plus, it has the best pantyhose/stocking rendering in all of gaming! 

Motivation & Discipline

This is more or less a vent post, so, make of that what you will.

For a long time I’ve struggled with having the motivation to create things or work on myself, which I suspect is due to being a ‘gifted’ child and never having to study for school – meaning I never really learned how to sit myself down and just, work. I get motivation from time to time, usually at rather inconvenient times – like in the middle of a shift at work or in the middle of the night – which I can’t really act on. By the time a better time rolls around for me to act on that motivation, it’s either gone or self-destructive thoughts have set in enough for me to lose the desire to do whatever I had wanted to do.

This is where the second issue comes in – I can’t sit myself down to work if I don’t want to, and instead opt to generally laze about on social media or doing something meaningless even when I know I could be doing something productive. This is ultimately something that I still haven’t solved more than four years after noticing it, and I’d really rather not think about the lost opportunities/chances as a result of that inability. I always say to myself “Oh, I should do this or this. I’ll do that when I get home/the chance to/etc” but I never actually have the discipline to follow through on that goal. I’m not sure how to fix this either unfortunately, so I more or less just coast through the days hoping I’ll either change or I’ll find something I’m truly passionate about that will give me the motivation to work at it – which I understand is quite unlikely, if not impossible.

For reference, I’m 20, and haven’t ever really had a solid goal or dream in life past “I just want to make enough money to live comfortably and not want to implode each day”. Did college for two years, didn’t find anything I’d particularly want to make a career out of, and while I enjoy creating content, it’s not something I can expect to make a reliable living off of. I know people say “You’re young, you’ll figure it out!” but I can’t help but feel behind others at my age, especially when most of the people I know have goals or dreams they’re working towards, even if they may be in a lull at the moment. Alas, I just kind of feel lost, which I wish wasn’t the case; but I’m unable to figure out how to change that feeling or even force myself into doing something – anything – that might improve my situation.

Such is life, I guess.

Comments

One response to “Motivation & Discipline”

  1. passionfortruths Avatar

    I don’t really know what you are going through, but am aware that the younger generation and teenagers are different from the older generations.. a different kind of awareness… Nevertheless, something I feel that applies to all…is the need to go within..answers are within…the energy of the planet has changed including the shifting of Earth’s magnetic grid, and impacts our psyche and attitude. This facilities self-discovery..the remembrance of who we are and why we are here.

    All the best to you, dear one.

    🙏💓🙏

    Like

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